Seeking Daily Bread: December 2013

"Today is the greatest day, and I am in it." ~Jacob Damoff

I started this blog post a while back and have been meaning to post it. Well, last night Mary Graham showed us something we were not expecting and it was as if all God had been teaching me came full circle and I knew it was time to post these words I had written.

She did this....

I
Walking from Jennifer Sheppard on Vimeo.

Then she did THIS!! Lee and I were thrilled to say the least. She has been moving really fast in her walker lately but always been too afraid to let go. Then all of the sudden, she decided she could do it and it was as if God just took away her fear and moved her.

Walking2 from Jennifer Sheppard on Vimeo.

We are so thankful God has given her the ability to move around a little more independently. Just a couple months before turning 3. I really don't have the words for watching her do it for the first time last night. It was a glimpse of God's glory in the midst of this hard journey we have been on with her.

She still is fearful and has fallen a few times, pretty hard, because she doesn't have good balance and the strength to brace herself. She has walked some today, but still asks for her walker. But we praise God for this unexpected gift and pray for safety and strength for her as she moves around on her own.

God has been showing me so much these last several months. The above quote is from a 15 year old boy, that he hung on a sign in his bedroom, only later that year would face a drowning accident and by the grace and healing of God, in a hopeless situation, would learn to walk, talk and live again...although he would face tremendous challenges for the rest of his life as it was forever changed. The book "Parting the Waters" was given to me and is written by Jacob's mother. And her heart and words shared in the book have affected me so much. Her life and plan for Jacob and her family was shattered the day of his accident. I can't begin to do this book justice, so read it for yourself.....especially if life has not gone the way you planned (which I believe may be all of us).

Recently a friend shared about a difficult path her daughter may be facing. She spoke with a counselor who gave her some good advice and ways to help and pray for her daughter, but then told her, as God tells Job (vs. 42:2) really in the end, whatever this difficult journey or path your daughter may be on, if it is God's plan and His will for her to walk this difficult road, then there is really nothing you can do to thwart that. A wise woman once told me that God is writing His own story for each of our children's lives.

And I believe she is right.

I trust (or I think I do) that God has a plan for Loftin, Lucy and Mary Graham, a good plan...which scares me to death, because, let's face it, sometimes (a lot of the time) God's plan for our children is a hard thing to swallow, to let go of......it's often not what we as parents would choose. Oh, and my kids are only 7, 6 and 2 years old! There is so much more to come.

We don't have control.

I thought so much about this with MG and her disease (one we certainly couldn't control or change). Just last week I picked out her first wheelchair, a bubble gum pink tiny wheelchair. Even though she is moving so well with her walker and beginning to walk, she needs this as another option to help her more towards independence and help her with long distances. There was that mix of pain and joy. God has chosen this path for her and this is where the beauty lies. Deep in my heart, 2 years ago when I was grieving over the loss of who I thought she would be and the reality of her situation, God gently whispered in my heart...."I have great plans for her." Really? Do you God? Because, as Jacob's mom says, I wanted her to grow up healthy and happy and to impress the world and receive the praises of men. But God is doing something greater and His plans will not even compare to what I had wanted for her....even in a bubble gum pink wheelchair....even in the hardest times....and even in the most joyous times like watching her walk for the first time.

His plan in better.

These last few months, in my mind, I have been brought to a place and wanted to say outloud that I'm simply astounded that Mary Graham has been given to me, to us. That God would chose us to raise her, to love her, to care for her and all her challenges (not at all because he thought we were well equipped-ha! I wish). But because I get a front row seat to see the beauty of God working in the most unexpectly places. Lately I have realized, as Jacob's mother puts it, "God doesn't always allow us to observe what he is doing, sometimes he waits for us to get out of His way." God doesn't need me to accomplish his plan in my children's lives, but I'm so thankful that I get to be a part of it.

Slowly, God is taking me to a place of thankfulness for everything about her, everything about her today. Will there be much harder days ahead? Absolutely. Will we continue to pray for healing? Always. Will I wish things were different? Yes. Will I think we don't deserve this? Daily.

Truthfully though, we really deserve nothing....but Christ gives us everything.

Mary Graham's progress has been amazing lately. I hear the muffled voices of the doctors, the prognosis and all they have to say.....but God's gentle whisper is louder.....

He says, "I have great plans for her."

God has laid so much on my heart....I'm learning to try and not just call for help when I need God, but to realize I have already been rescued....2000 years ago on the cross. What it comes down to is do I trust in the One who died for me? Who loves my kids more than I do?

He does. He is for them. He is for you and me.

So, I will leave you with some pictures of our life the last several months. Blessings to all of you this Christmas! We head back up to Philly for an expansion surgery on January 14th. Not really excited about that, but hoping it will be short and sweet with no complications. Will update more on that in a couple weeks! Thank you for praying! What a mighty God we serve and how faithful and loving is He to have others praying for her and getting to watch His beauty unfold in her life.