Summer, Loftin and Confessions

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12

So, summer began for us over two weeks ago and it has been kind of crazy......without boring you with the details, every child has been to the doctor, some more than once and ended with MG throwing up all over the waiting room floor of the after hours clinic. But, everyone seems to be on the mend and we have actually had some fun this last week. It was quite a slap in the face way to "ease" into summer with three kids home for three months. (I know some of you mommas can relate). Right before it all began I was thinking about true daily living as I looked at my calendar full of things to do this summer. My prayer is that I will live each day, enjoy each day, or rest in the fact that God will grant me grace to get through the harder days. Well, week one was quite the test :) This week then began with me getting the stomach bug, yay...hoping our sick days are behind us now for a few months.

MG was having a great deal of right leg and hip pain, mainly after being examined by the doctor for a possible UTI. However, after seeing the orthopedist, having xrays, and talking with the folks at CHOP about a possible MRI, CT, etc (maybe in Philly) she has actually gotten much better and her pain has improved. In fact, I feel like the last two weeks she has been happier than she ever has been.....I'm SO thankful, we did not want to do more scans right now, we did not want to go up to Philly right now, and we did not want her to be in pain....so we have just prayed for the pain to get better, and it has. We praise God that none of this has to occur right now and we are praying she continues to improve up until we go at the end of July to CHOP for her first expansion surgery. She has gotten stronger and is sitting up unassisted for longer periods of time. We are so thankful, that despite these setbacks, she is making some progress since her surgery. I have some video of her I will post soon.

I confess over the last month of letting everything sink in from what our neurologist told us, I have been researching and researching. Trying to figure out things on my own...trying to have the control. But where has that left me, fearful and sometimes hopeless. Loftin said to me the other day, "Mommy, it's really hard to believe in God because I can't see him...how can He be real?" (Talk about a loaded question)......I just looked at him and said "I know, it is hard." That's not all I said, but I could relate to his little 6 year old mind. He wants to see what he is believing, don't we all? He also confessed to me this month "I really think I love Star Wars more than God" and his face showed that he wasn't even sure he should have said that outloud. I told him that God loves him much more than Star Wars and left it at that. Again, I was reminded that I have no control over any of my children, really only God does. Although Lee and I laughed and thought maybe we should cut back on the star wars :) But honestly, it was a good moment for me to surrender this control over to Him. I love that Loftin is asking these questions, thinking more deeply about our Lord and challenging me to think more deeply also. My prayer has always been that my children would grow to love the Lord. But, I must surrender every day these children that He has given us to love and raise and train and grow the best we can....and then surrender again and again.

The verse above has followed me around the last few years, especially while pregnant with MG, God showed it to me so many times and I had written it down several times too. Looking back, there is so much God was revealing to me during that time, preparing me, that I am just now realizing and I hope to share someday. But the words "for the joy" have always been my favorite. Jesus knew he would endure the cross, but he did it anyway...for us....for the joy set before him. And that joy, I believe, belongs to us too. Especially on the days when I am sad, fearful, weary, losing heart about the future, God brings me back to that joy. The joy that there is nothing in this world for me, the joy that our only hope is in Christ, and the joy that we don't even know about yet. He is the one that is the author and perfecter of our faith, just as I see him beginning to work in little Loftin's heart, He is chiseling away at mine too.....sometimes more than I wish. But, although painful, I know it is good. Especially in a world where so many are suffering, and I have seen it more and more around me these days.....God is at work.

Thank you for continuing to pray for MG and our family....please pray for her growth and development, for her upcoming surgery in July, for us as we wait for more tests results and learning more about her muscular dystrophy. Pray also for daily surrender. Happy Summer!