Is this all worth it?

I have asked the above question in the middle of lots of very low and scary moments with Mary Graham's recovery these last couple weeks. Lee and I were talking about all the steps we took to bring us here over this last year and both agreed that everything has been so clear that led us to Dr. Campbell and CHOP and I know for certain that this is where God has needed us to be to help Mary Graham. Lee, being the Seinfeld fan that he is, said he kept thinking about the episode where Putty is wearing the 8 ball jacket and says, "All signs point to yes!" God can even speak to us through Seinfeld :).... but he has just felt a peace that all our signs pointed to "yes"....meaning this IS where we need to be. All these details have been covered in prayer and He has made our steps firm. We have learned over this last year that MG's scoliosis is one that is progressive and stiff, it would not get better, just worse and her lung quality, already starting to diminish, would worsen with time. These veptr rods have opened up her ribs, giving her lungs room to grow, more room to breathe. And, they have inadvertently straightened her spine some. It is a long road ahead, with expansions and rod replacement surgeries in the years to come. But we praise God for leading us here, the place where we could give MG a much better quality of life.

These last two weeks have been long and hard, many times extremely scary for us and Mary Graham. Looking at her scars for the first time was hard to see, but they will heal and fade. Just like trials in our lives - they may leave scars, but God heals and what's left is a reminder of His love and grace. God has been faithful to lead us through all of this and it reminds me of the verse in Isaiah 43, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."
When. A word that says we will have trials, but how sweet our Savior is that He will never leave us.
God has opened my eyes to great pain and suffering all around us, and I have seen so much brokeness and a world that truly needs a Savior. I have met families who have a child that has spent months in the hospital, some even years. Everyone has a story. But, as hard as it is to see all this and experience our own pain, I have a renewed since of hope, so much more deeply thankful for our Lord and the blessings he has poured out on us. Blessings that are seen more brightly after these dark days.

I was thinking back to when I gave birth to Mary Graham one year ago, I loved her immediately, she was perfect and she was mine. Then when MG was just a few weeks old we began to notice her back, her hips and muscles, some of the things about her didn't seem quite right....I grieved after all the initial doctor visits...but I still loved her and she still was mine. God has shown me His love for me and Lee, for our family and for Mary Graham. As a parent we are able to get a glimpse of how God sees us.....broken and sinful. But he looks at me and still says, she's mine. He loves us no matter what. It's a beautiful picture of His grace and love. And above all the positive results of her veptr implant surgery, getting to experience this grace and love has made it all worth it.

The best news of the week...we are getting discharged today and flying home tomorrow! I am forever grateful for your prayers through all of this. Please continue to pray for MG over the next several weeks as she continues to heal and handle her pain. Pray for no complications or infection and for her spine and ribs to continue to grow and her lungs to develop. As we have been told, the spine is often hard to predict-but so is everything in life I have come to realize. We will return July 24th for her first expansion surgery - we have been reassured many times that this is nothing like the implant surgery, hopefully just a couple nights in the hospital. But we will not look that far ahead just yet. Pray for our transition back to real life and I look forward to thanking many of you face to face for your faithfulness to pray.

The song that has been in my mind, one of Lucy's favorites, seems to sum it up perfectly....
Praise God from whom all blessings flow
Praise Him all creatures here below
Praise Him above the heavenly hosts
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.....Amen.