Desperate

The last week of May was full of changes for our family....we said goodbye to The Bell Center after almost 3 years and watched Mary Graham walk all by herself to get her diploma. A moment that I thought may never happen. 

Our sweet little dog, Bailey, who was 13 years old died. He had been mine before I even met Lee. We were sad to say goodbye. 

Loftin and Lucy finished up kindergarten and 2nd grade, with soccer coming to and end and a dance recital to top it all off. Then we sent Loftin off to Alpine Camp for Boys for 10 days. Lots of bittersweet moments. Here are some pictures from the last several weeks.

Walking like a big girl

Getting her diploma from Miss Betty Bell

Reception after graduation-she was grumpy by now

Mary Graham's awesome therapists

Last soccer game of the season

Dance recital-tap routine to "At the Hop"

Last day of kindergarten and 2nd grade-how are they this old?

MG and her friend Neely did swim lessons. It was hard for MG but she loved the water and know it will be a great place for her to gain some strength. 

Gymnastics performance

A little dress-up fun (she picked this out)

10 days at Alpine Camp-he said he was having the time of his life!

Sweet tiny Bailey, this is when he was a puppy and this was his favorite place to be

So, now we have jumped into summer and are leaving next Sunday for Philly for a week. Mary Graham will have a few more procedures than usual. She will have doctor appointments all day Monday and then an MRI and CT on Tues. June 10, which will require anesthesia and then Wed we take a break and then expansion surgery on Thurs. June 12. She is doing so well right now and I hate to have to put her through all of this.

Please pray for an uneventful trip and smooth procedures and surgery and her recovery. Also, Loftin and Lucy will be going for a week to stay with Lee's parents. Loftin came home from camp today, we missed him so much, and he and Lucy are heading to Tallahassee tomorrow. Please pray for all of the logistics of our plans, safety for us while we are apart and our travel.

Please pray for us to get a room at the Ronald McDonald House also-this is always a huge blessing for so many reasons.

God never ceases to amaze me with working out all the details of our trip. He has lead me to trust more and more....I do loose sight of His grace sometimes, but other times He lets me see his grace so vividly. My mom was going to go with me for the first half of the trip, but has been having some complications with her atrial fibrillation. Nothing too major, but just very unpredictable these last few months. So, we had both been nervous about her going. Well, at the last minute (which seems to be the trend with God's timing :) I asked my long time best friend, Julie, to go with me. She didn't even hesitate and was able to drop her life to come with me and MG next Sunday-Wednesday (even leaving on her birthday and leaving her husband and three kids behind). She is just that kind of friend, we have known each other our whole lives and lived together at Auburn-had our dorm room bedding picked out at age 15 :). Anyway, I'm forever grateful for faithful friends that walk beside us during this journey and secretly Julie and I are excited to spend some time together-even it involves a hospital and a little 3 year old girl. It is such a help to have a friend to travel with and help with all the logistics. Lee will come Wed night through next Saturday. We are so thankful to God for working things out!

Mary Graham has had a cough for about 2 months now and of course we have been praying for it to be gone before having to go under anesthesia twice next week. Well, after a couple doctors visits and some new meds, she has finally stopped coughing. Also, I have been having shoulder issues and just went and got a cortisone shot to hopefully take care of this before I travel. It just wouldn't get better on it's own with lifting Mary Graham up so much. So, just more of God's grace and we praise him for being in the details of our life.

With Loftin being gone, it has been a little quieter around here. Lee overheard Loftin tell Lucy that she was in charge of taking care of Mary Graham while he was at camp and that if anyone made fun of her or called her ugly, she was to punch them. Seriously?? This is so precious to me on so many levels, and Lucy really seemed to love this new "responsibility." And although we do not condone "punching" other kids, I'm so glad God would show me the compassion in Loftin for his sister. And again I see his grace-things that He doesn't have to show me, but He does anyway.

But, also one of my prayers for the summer is for Lucy and MG to bond and play better together. Not that they haven't played together before, but being 6 and 3 is hard to find common ground at times. And they fight a good bit, I know that is reality of siblings. However,  this last week, they have discovered they love to dress up and put on shows (if you know me, putting on shows is all I did growing up-so I love it!). And of course there have been tears and arguments in between, but after praying about this, I'm able to see so much more of God's hand in my children's lives and participate in God's goodness, love and grace in these details.

I just finished reading The Praying Life by Paul Miller-I highly recommend it-it is the most clearly written book on prayer I have ever read. Prayer has always been such a struggle for me and always feeling like I'm falling behind and guilty that I'm not praying enough. And these last several months I have been asking myself how desperate am I for the Lord? When things are good, kids are behaving, life is just working and I'm floating along, I admit I'm really not desperate at all, I feel I can take care of things myself.

Here is what Miller says on this and prayer: "It took my seventeen years to realize I couldn't parent on my own. It was not a great spiritual insight, just a realistic observation. If I didn't pray deliberately and reflectively for members of my family everyday, they'd kill each other. I was incapable of getting inside their hearts. I was desperate. But even more, I couldn't change my self-confident heart....I came to realize I did my best parenting by prayer. I began to speak less to the kids and more to God."

"Incapable of getting inside their hearts." What freedom there is in this. Only God can reach their hearts.

I'm so thankful that God has brought me to some places desperation in this parenting thing.....at times He has striped me of myself and showed me I have no control, especially through MG's journey. How sweet that our Father has given us a way to participate in the lives of our children more deeply, to see his work and to see his grace lived out in there lives through prayer. I am full of sin and pray that I desperately see my need for Him. Throughout scripture people came to Jesus desperate and helpless-He wants us to. Miller says that this helplessness is what makes prayer work. We can't do life on our own, it's a constant reliance on Jesus, a constant conversation, and thankfully when we want to give up on praying, God looks at his Son and delights in our meandering prayers.  And above all, Christ loves us and prays for us.

"For Christ has entered, not into holy places made with hands, which are copies of the true things, but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God on our behalf." Heb. 9:24

So thankful for a Savior who loves me and my helplessness, my weakness, my desperation.....only to better see His strength and His glory. And, I have seen amazing things through your prayers for Mary Graham, so thank you always for your faithfulness.

Will update more as the week goes on!